approach is defined as "a: the taking of preliminary steps toward a particular purpose approach> b: a particular manner of taking such steps approach to language>" by the merriam-webster dictionary. 

the means can make all the difference to the end you want to reach. right? right? right?

in particular, i want to be treated like a person.

but every time i go over, they treat me to some oil as if i were some kind of robot or something of the kind. i don't like that. it makes me feel like a non-person. it makes my blood boil. and i can't think or act properly, therefore. but i can't and won't blame my reaction on them. i shouldn't anyway. "i'm just extrapolating..." haha. for want of being able to do something else? hmmmm. better work on that sentence and rephrase it altogether.

anyway, am i not a fucking person too? a fucking living person? with blood running through my veins and all that? with a soul? and, most importantly, with the right to suffering?

i've always believed that you've reached ultimate intimacy with a fellow human being when you both can be silent without the awkwardness that silence often establishes. THAT'S MY YARDSTICK.

therefore, oftentimes all i want is silence or your silent presence. no need for words.

shhh...

the end of the year is approaching us at the speed of light and i've made so many decisions about the person i want to be like as of next year that the beginning of a new era, as it were, really gets me wound up. i regret not having taken some actions which would have led me towards the path i'm striving to follow from now on. leaving things to the very last minute, i've always been like that - acting on the spur of the moment, and oftentimes regretting my rushed actions later on. whatever, it's a new era. it's time to begin fresh. to start anew. to revive. and to live, especially. not that i want this to sound any more profound that any other post i've written. it's just lame. lame truth. lame, nonetheless. but, still, it's true.

oh, and i just remembered something stupid that happened to me today. yesterday i got badly sunburned because i took a long walk outside - first it was with 2 friends of mine who were planning their only kid's secret birthday party, second it was with my dog, nick. i just realized i'd gotten sunburned when i got back home and my sister noticed my reddened skin. it was funny because up until that very moment i hadn't even noticed anything strange about how red my face was but after her comment i could notice it and, what's more, i could even feel that stingy pain that sunburns often cause. how absurd! and weird! anyway, so i decided i'd do something which i'd been putting off for a while then and got myself a bottle of sunblock. so this morning i walked my dog to the drugstore and got myself a non-oily type of sunscreen. as i was walking back home i remembered that cheesy thing about "wearing sunscreen" that someone-i-don't-know-who-and-couldn't-care-any-less-really once published. seemed to fitting. but still it's so corny to admit this. alas, sometimes you just gotta accept things the way they are.

Tevet 1  Pinchas arose and wrought judgment, and so the plague was checked (Psalms 106:30).  The word tefillah, or "prayer," has its origin in the word pallel, which means "to seek justice." Prayer should therefore be an activity whereby one seeks justice. The first recorded prayer in Jewish history is that of the Patriarch Abraham. He sought justice for the people of Sodom and pleaded with God to spare them (Genesis 18:23-33). Thus, when we pray, whether for ourselves or for others, it should be with the understanding that we are seeking justice. How, then, can we ask of God to grant our various requests? Are we deserving of this? Do we deserve them? Are they within the realm of justice? Two answers come to mind. If, as part of our prayers, we admit the wrongs we have done, sincerely regret them, and commit ourselves not to repeat them, then we may indeed be deserving. We therefore do not make our requests on the basis of what we are, but on the basis of what we will be. Second, if we extend ourselves by forgiving people who have offended us and acting with kindness toward them, then God's acting accordingly toward us can in itself be considered justice. Thus, teshuvah (the process of regret and return) and gemilas chasadim (acts of kindness) are the foundations of prayer.  Today I shall ... ... try to do teshuvah, and to act toward others in a way that I wish God to act toward me.  from: aish.com

Kislev 30 

One should add an additional light each night (of Chanukah)(Orach Chaim 671:2). 

Although frequently translated as "dedication," Chanukah also means "renewal." The way that we celebrate Chanukah teaches us that renewal requires something more than returning to a former state, even if that state itself had been satisfactory. Renewal requires advancing beyond the previous state.

I once heard a recovered alcoholic, twenty years sober, say, "The man that I was drank, and the man that I was will drink again." If people who emerge from a deteriorated state go back to the state prior to the deterioration, nothing has been accomplished, because history will repeat itself. To avoid the deterioration from recurring, they must change themselves into new beings.

To achieve a renewal, we must progress. Adding a Chanukah candle every night symbolizes this concept in a spiritual way.

Remaining at a plateau is hardly desirable for anyone, but it is utterly unacceptable for people who seek renewal. For them, progress is not only essential for growth, but for survival. 

Today I shall ...
... try to add to my life by intensifying and increasing those practices that are conducive to growth. 

from: aish.com